Monday, July 23, 2012

Holy Summer of...?

It's upon us and again I am baffled as usual. Summer, hazy and thick. This one so different than the last, busy but in a new way, clearer and scarier too some how. Ah life what a bizarre trip it is. We plan and think, and think and plan- for what? It is all out of our control, or maybe that's my own state of mind speaking, generalizing, making the mess all sound more acceptable, normal, less my fault. Either way it's here and you can't go around it, I must go through it. So trooping on I bumble around slowly deciding my fate, where I'll end up no one knows.

I speak of younger days, 16 maybe, I'd do it better this time wouldn't I? Aren't I too young to long for youth? Maybe its more about rebellion and less about a number- either way this was not the original angelic vision. A rough draft is more like it, I'm moving stuff around, editing if you will-  erasing hard lines and replacing them with less defined markers. Taking my time, studying my previous motivations and assessing what should drive my new ones. The future is vast, where will it lead, what do I want it to hold, now? Drastic changes can take some time to take their toll I guess. How to deal with the new reality and weighing what making the most of it all really means...  and the truth is it's all up to you. That's what will keep me up at night- no one to blame but yourself. Every decision yours, possibilities endless, whichever way you choose. 

How much do you want to grow, learn, explore? What is comfort worth compared to the unknown? How courageous can you be, but more than that what is courage to you in your life. When and where do you put your focus, your dedication, your love, and will it be worth it? What do you want, what do you hope to earn, what will fulfill you at the end of the day- someone, something, anything? The questions well they are easily overwhelming, it comes down to the feeling. The spark of living and how to keep ignited. 

Maybe I just need to drink in a graveyard, skin my knee, and then call it a day.

Monday, January 30, 2012

I spoke too soon.

We all have hopes for a new year when one rolls along, we were taught to express them, make resolutions, look to the future with excitement, wide eyed and wondrous like the possibilities are endless- it's sort of a return to childhood I guess, when the world really is your oyster and all things seem doable. Who came up with that? How are we supposed to carry on in such a manner when with age comes tragedies, loss, heartaches. How can we protect the ones we love from these inevitable crushing fates? The sad fact is we can't. I for one was under the impression that the universe was somewhat kind, that when one huge blow hits there is time and statistics on your side. That mystically you get a reprieve because you have suffered, paid your dues, and live worse for it everyday of your life. Well, at the moment it looks like there's no such thing as a break because of experience, the hits just keep coming and that childhood view sinks deeper and deeper under a jaded eye.

This month of supposed new beginnings just brings dread. Loss is a personal thing, there are no real words to describe it, you go through it next to people but utterly alone. Friends and even strangers surround you some with experience others still with a whole heart trying but failing to imagine themselves in your new shiny black shoes. You envy them, or at least I did, knowing what you have while living with it is a gift but when it's taken away it's torture. You hold on to memories, things you know he would do, things you know he would say, but that hole is too great to fill so you don't try. And each day there is a pain in your chest and a swelling ball in your throat but somehow you manage to tread on, bedtime it's own miracle each and every night. I don't  know how this ends, I don't know if it ever will but I do know that I never wanted to share it so soon with someone so close. Unfair is the word of the decade, unimaginable is how this can happen twice only just one year apart to men who were so sound, so strong, so good and so doting to their daughters.

I am bitter, I try not to be, but I am. I am sad, so deeply sorrowful there are days I want to sleep away but I don't. I am angry, rage filled at times, always at nothing with no one to blame, but it passes. I am grateful, so very grateful for what I had and will always have with him. I am depressed, it comes in waves, and is heavy like lead but I struggle through it and somehow find a way to beat it down. I am hopeful, I would be nothing without it, he would want it no other way. I have glimpses, fleeting moments where the future can be seen and it is bright, shining even without him which most of the time seems like an impossibility, but it's there for me and I know with work I will get it and he will be proud.

I don't believe there is an end in sight for me and my personal struggle with my personal loss. I think it becomes a new reality, one I will learn to live with. My old normal is just a memory now. People say that it gets easier with time, I guess I want to believe that but I don't, at least not for me, at least not yet.  I think no one will ever know the severity of my pain, MY relationship was too big, too emotional, too close to ever compare with anyone else's. Is this true? As I said loss is a personal thing, to each its own battle but with familiar wounds.

I had time to bargain with whatever higher power there may or may not be. I pleaded for his life, to take decades off of mine for a few more precious years. I would have honestly done anything, anything to save him. But we don't get to choose and that is what makes these January's seem cruel, resolutions pointless, wonder a joke. And there are days when I walk around cynical, dazed, pondering the point of this existence at all but then his warm memory will come to me and that will spark the wonder which leads to that little glimpse of hope and before I know it I am there creating that bright future in my mind. Sharing those beautiful childhood notions with a me of my own, teaching and giving as he gave to me, passing along the magical bits that make all of this loss and life worthwhile. Those glimpses that is what gets me through keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, longing for brighter days.

For you, I've told you I wish I could make it go away. Have it just be some epic bad dream that you wake up from feeling comforted by reality. If only I could I'd take pleasure watching you have years with yours, milestones, laughs and love. Instead we will press on together, sharing those with each other as we did before but somehow closer, bonded in these untimely tragedies, so similar, but so different just like us. It is unfair, and in all honesty there was some pain in seeing your relationship continue when mine had ended too soon, but more than pain there was love. Love for what I had and seeing familiar traits with you and yours. I never thought I would have to comfort a friend so soon after my own turmoil, but I am here and we will struggle together, through the bitterness, sorrow and all the other ugly trials until we can stand before each other with our happy futures now our presents glowing and intertwined.

That, my friend, I promise you with all my heart.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh January of Januarys...

Winter is so glum. Am I right or what?! But we all press on trying to stay of sunny mind and body, it is easier said then done. What can one do to really stay up  during these long, dreary, dark months?

My response is... Play Dress Up! Come on why not?
So January is nearly over and that brings February month of not only the dreaded Valentines Day but alas my birthday as well. Usually the celebration for this day, that  has begun to seem more ordinary and less exciting with each passing year, goes something like this... Adult pizza party at my humble abode and then off to some deserted bar in the surrounding area, where we ALWAYS get the lights turned on around 1 am. Lame does not even begin to  describe it.

So this year for the milestone of 29, I've decided to change it up and incorporate two of my loves, a reason to celebrate and dress up. Eureka!! A theme party!

Oh, can't you see it the sheer enthusiasm of my friends who loathe the 31st of October, and my pressure for participation- now forced to don the unusual in the bitter month of February!  The gall!

At least thats what I expected but on the contrary I actually have been pleasantly surprised, it seems that if you narrow down the options people are much more receivable to catching the spirit of masquerade. Who would have thought?

You must be boiling, what is the theme? the suspense eating away at you...

It goes like this: Help Shea Ring in the LAST year of her Roaring Twenties!!
Yup that decade of excess and glamour the 1920's. Talk about inspiration the fashion was monumental, the moonshine flowing and the charleston was hot.

See for yourself:

 Now the hunt begins for the perfect attire..  I will keep you posted.
I hope  maybe I've inspired you to break out that harlot red lipstick, and throw on some pearls this weekend. Beat the washed out winter with rouge why the hell not.

too shea loves you.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Let's get on with it...

Yup, here we are again months have flown by, life has happened, and it's some how a new year. Are you as baffled as I am? Probably not. I am just about ready to join the real world again- this past year has been a complete blur- an important blur, but a blur nonetheless.

Let's re-cap.. really for me less than you.

 January 7th, 2011- My Father, my one & only, hero- passes from the after math of an heart attack in his LAD (Left Anterior Descending Artery). They nicknamed this sucker the "widow maker", most people instantly succumb but not W.E.K. he fought 23 days. Needless to say this was the worst possible beginning, my deepest darkest fear realized.
Not to mention, I was engaged, the wedding a mere 8 months away in my parents backyard under their wedding arch.  OUCH. Yes, I am making serious light of it, read my two prior posts the only 2 from 2011 and you will understand.

So we press on and I get married:
September 10th, 2011- Richard Lamiroult now calls me his wife. A Beautiful day, with weather that could not have been foreseen- a week before we were hit with Hurricane Irene and had to remove fallen trees from both the ceremony and Reception sites. All the planning and hard work done by my family, through the grief, sweat and tears was not for nothing.
Look I have the pictures to prove it:

Awesome. And then we were married.

December 16th, 2011- The one year anniversary of my Fathers Heart Attack. Even sounds surreal as I type it- see what I mean about the blur, where the hell did all those months in between January and September go? I couldn't tell you. The day sucked as did the 23 that followed and ... WHAM its 2012!

 Just wild. So here I am trying to re-gain control, purpose, and drive to become what I wanted to be before 2011.

I've said it before, but that last year obviously got in the way: I'm really going to give this blog another shot, try and make it the real deal. I love to write, I love to share, I love LOVE and experience, so I've decide to widen the scope of this little ditty. Making the possibilities endless, not just about my little company too shea, or painting but life.. mainly my life- but what else do we know, but ourselves. And maybe something good will come out of it for me, or for you. Relating to people is all its really about anyway, so here it goes, to 2012 and retaining my life, myself, here in front of your eyes. Wish me luck.

too shea loves you

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

New Goods.. Life goes on whether you want it to or not.

Hi All ( 4 of you :)

Ok, back to life, back to reality. scratch that. reality blows, so....

Here's some stuff I've made recently.

New mix and match earrings...

all ONE of a kind.
Available for sale at Smith in Southampton
28 Nugent Street

Faux Finished Green Tortoise Table. (Bottom Shelf)

"Big Mac" Oil on Panel

"Before" Oil on Panel

"Fish out of Water" 18 x 24 Oil on Panel

"Fish Out of Water" Detail

"Lost Fortune" 36 x 48 Oil on Canvas

"Lost Fortune" Detail

"Polka" 12 x 12 Oil on Panel

Yup that's  what's been going on. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sometimes life sucks.

So here it is February, and in the world of bloggers I believe my first run of this would be considered a failure. I started this online diary of sorts to document the progression of my business and keep all updated on new wares. I was doing ok trying to balance self- motivated creation and the hum drum of the everyday,  until life throws you a curve ball and it knocks you down, breathless and wounded. That's me right now.

 I am only who I am, and pursuing the dream of doing what I love because of who I come from. My parents, my sturdy supports since day one, when I was jaundice and bug eyed. They loved me unconditionally and worked, slaved even, to give me all they didn't have. The outcome: I became bound to them not by blood but admiration. They spur inspiration through me, the urge to do right by them, and take what they gave me and pass it on, to everyone strangers, friends, children. I'd like to think I am on that path, the one that eventually leads me to giving what they gave and then some, each generation moving up slowly and cherishing every step, every memory. Its magical really there's no better word to explain the welling up of emotion that parents are able to cause, how they're actions really can change who you become. I could not have had better.

My wound is new, my father, my hero passed away on January 7th, 2011. Even now typing those words seems surreal. He was larger than life, making each day a productive adventure, filled with allure and lessons. He made me hair clips out of sequins and flowers on clear strings with baby pearls, he was so creative and kind that way. I wore them with pride the only girl in town who had accessories made by her Dad. Concocting halloween costumes out of foam, or shiny plastic goblets to make my brothers suit of armor. Everything was always precise, he had a vision and would make it come to life. He built our second house from scratch, laundry chute and all. He would fluff my feather bed till it almost reached the sky to my young eyes, and I would fall backwards into it with a huge "puff", tucked in my canopy with my beloved Bubba bear gifted by him, he would sing me a lullaby "in tones so sweet and low". There are endless memories that I can recall and through them he will live on. Through my future family, and the things I will create in his honor. Yes, I have big shoes to fill: ice skating rinks in the yard, a spin in a utility tarp, Baby Lion, samurai sword play complete with a song, a tree house that would have had running heat,  colored pancakes based on the season, a game of catch with nothing but a paper bag that could go on for hours, acrobatics on his arms, glow necklaces' around our limbs at night at a water park down slides we went glowing, conversation so true and real, we could talk the day away, he spoke to people as an equal not just as a child, or a different generation, or a daughter and that made you, me and us feel special. Everything with him was special, even as I aged I sometimes thought he might have created a monster. I wanting to hold on to every last drop of a memory, would place value on things that reminded me of them. He was more practical than me in that arena, saving only what could be used again, the finishing touch on a project. And man when he pulled out that thing that you absolutely needed, the magic ignited all over again, how did he do that?! His mantra for a lot of things was always quality not quantity, he lived his life that way. Didn't waste time with people he felt held down or irritated by, always moving, doing multiple jobs at once, had a tool for every problem, and if he didn't know how to fix it he would learn. And by learn I mean perfect. It was always the best with Dad, he hated crap- from shoe laces to cars, friends and family he wanted the best and that is what he deserved.

As I have mentioned before I am getting married in September, at my parents house under their wedding arch, all done by design, out of the deepest love and respect for their epic romance. I can only hope to emulate what they have grown into. A messy ball of love, still companions and full  of romance after what was to be 30 years of marriage. They are the most passionate couple I know, and god you just can't beat that as far as examples go.

He might not be here in flesh and blood, but he will always be here in spirit, and probably a cardboard cutout that I plan on keeping in my closet for those really terrible days (yes, I have issues). His legacy will go on through us, and the people we have yet to meet and create.

I love you Daddy <3

"You keep your dreams and aspirations- the world has enough mediocrity.
  You're life is meant for so much more!
  Happy Birthday Shea
  You'll always be my girl
      Dad"- William E. Keating

Who is and will always be an endless source of inspiration and love for me.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hello Holidays!

Man, time fly's ... Thanksgiving has come and gone and christmas music is filling the airwaves.
It's about that time again- Hello Holidays.

I apologize for my absence over the last few weeks. But  I have been busy creating some new Mini too shea-mless jewels perfect for snatching up as sparkly gifts!

Below is a whole new slew of them on display and for sale at Smith in Southampton:
28 Nugent Street
Southampton, NY 11968

And today I finished a whole new batch of these delectable little guys. 
Here's a preview:


for my newest Creations:

"Simplistic Solitaires": Stunning, yet Simple. These are a new take on the "too shea" show stopper accessories. Each feature one, (yes that's right ONE, i know its unheard of in the land of too shea-mless) authentic Swarovski Element, they aren't dainty but they could be called elegant. 
Ranging from Topaz & Chrysolite, to Aquamarine & Jet Black.
Stones are 35mm to 40mm.

Just in time for  Festive Attire and Frenzied Holiday Shopping. 
All of the above will be posted for sale on the website, etsy or at local retailers. 
Will keep you posted. :)

Hope you enjoy. 

Oh and one last thing... Today November 30th, 2010 marks my one year anniversary of pursing the magical endeavor that is "too shea" full time. 

"too shea" loves you. <3